Off late have been thinking a lot about next birth. I am not sure whether re birth happens and what we carry forward to in that birth form this birth. Though Karma theory believes that we need to finish our give and take business in this birth only or else we will carry forward to next birth. So, I was deliberating that I would want to be elephant in the next birth. This thought without dwelling into any seriousness and offloading the burden of achieving sometime getting to milestone which is the target for this birth I think being elephant in my next birth would be relaxing experience. Also another thing would be this constant pressure of losing weight would not be there at all as being elephant requires you to be fat as fat elephants look cute.
Do I have option of not the next birth than what would I do. Do we have to keep doing something otherwise how would life move on.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Parenting - Not an instructor driven program
Every day of my life is making me student of parenting. My belief that I am getting experience,practise and becoming better parent does not seem to be anything more than just thought. In real world I think I am slipping on benchmarks that I have for this role. All control, patience of not being harsh with kid, not using words that hurt him, not thrashing him seems to be going nowhere. It is conscious effort from my side not to do any of the things that affect him at personality level.
But help me how to deal with persistent no day after day on same thing.
He just thinks that he can get away with things because I finally help him in getting the task done.
Every day when I come home after full day of work I get to see that I did not have any food and I am not ready to invest even half an house of my time in studies. There just so many diversions playtime both indoor/outdoor, schooling, cricket matches. Life has so many things for kid to keep him busy other than studies in his daily life. No amount of practicing the strategy that if you do this that you get this privilege works on this kid.
Other things is I don’t believe this kid thinks there is any difference between parent providing direction and kid taking decision. For him he is as much an adult as he is. How do you set this boundary line that kid is kid and parent a parent and some decisions are parent driven and cannot be based on kid decision. Some things are hard and difficult in life but still have to be done as these are part of habits which as kids we need to learn and incorporate.
As parent it has been conscious effort to spend time with kid which is not like set of instruction driven session but more of human conversation session. It has been realization that I was being instructor to kid all the time asking him to do something or other time. I realized as humans if I need someone to socialize even kid requires that opportunity for building up relationship with parents. Spending some effective like half an hour making conversations with kid on his interest areas. Topics that he understand.
Still the tunnel of parenting is showing no sign of relief at all.
But help me how to deal with persistent no day after day on same thing.
He just thinks that he can get away with things because I finally help him in getting the task done.
Every day when I come home after full day of work I get to see that I did not have any food and I am not ready to invest even half an house of my time in studies. There just so many diversions playtime both indoor/outdoor, schooling, cricket matches. Life has so many things for kid to keep him busy other than studies in his daily life. No amount of practicing the strategy that if you do this that you get this privilege works on this kid.
Other things is I don’t believe this kid thinks there is any difference between parent providing direction and kid taking decision. For him he is as much an adult as he is. How do you set this boundary line that kid is kid and parent a parent and some decisions are parent driven and cannot be based on kid decision. Some things are hard and difficult in life but still have to be done as these are part of habits which as kids we need to learn and incorporate.
As parent it has been conscious effort to spend time with kid which is not like set of instruction driven session but more of human conversation session. It has been realization that I was being instructor to kid all the time asking him to do something or other time. I realized as humans if I need someone to socialize even kid requires that opportunity for building up relationship with parents. Spending some effective like half an hour making conversations with kid on his interest areas. Topics that he understand.
Still the tunnel of parenting is showing no sign of relief at all.
Dairy chronical 9 March 2011
I have been talking to numerous people who have done retailing of kids wear or designing women wear but none of them believe in setting shops but would work on exhibition model. Finance is not constraint nor the reputation in local market. People with whom I have talked have all been doing this for past at least 5-10 years. Their reasoning on why not to set up shop is that they believe that when you do exhibitions and if you have good eye for what the target audience of exhibition is(target is generally an apartment complex some posh some not) than the sales are higher and returns much more positive rather than opening shop. Opening shop has advantages of long term commitment, branding but also operational challenges of managing them.
People are more keen on taking up bigger apartment to live in and then using one of those rooms for setting shop and then obviously the local market is apartment complex where you live. The bigger complex more the number of customers. One of my friends wants to use my 4 bhk in springfields for that purpose. She does retailing of kids wear. Most people say that profit margin is around 40% on clothes section. Pretty good.
On topic of setting up franchise it seems franchise ask for 70% profit sharing which is very high and will take at least 3 years of breakeven time with all risks taken by me for all capital investment. So, franchise is big no from every one I discussed about.
All people I asked for linkedin invites accepted my invite. Now the question is how to take it forward. Should I validate the franchise option with them about profit sharing or not. I am going to validate it to figure out data points for my own.
On investment capabilities I did sanity check in the area where I wanted to do something like this – it is fairly within my budget. Only challenge is time investment from my side. I really think it will be very stiff ask to manage work, set up shop and bring up kids. I am pursuing it like novel whose end I don’t know.
People are more keen on taking up bigger apartment to live in and then using one of those rooms for setting shop and then obviously the local market is apartment complex where you live. The bigger complex more the number of customers. One of my friends wants to use my 4 bhk in springfields for that purpose. She does retailing of kids wear. Most people say that profit margin is around 40% on clothes section. Pretty good.
On topic of setting up franchise it seems franchise ask for 70% profit sharing which is very high and will take at least 3 years of breakeven time with all risks taken by me for all capital investment. So, franchise is big no from every one I discussed about.
All people I asked for linkedin invites accepted my invite. Now the question is how to take it forward. Should I validate the franchise option with them about profit sharing or not. I am going to validate it to figure out data points for my own.
On investment capabilities I did sanity check in the area where I wanted to do something like this – it is fairly within my budget. Only challenge is time investment from my side. I really think it will be very stiff ask to manage work, set up shop and bring up kids. I am pursuing it like novel whose end I don’t know.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Leap of Faith
During the weekend, I took leap of faith into unknown territory - something that I don't know so can't describe. I sent emails to couple of folks who are business managers for fabindia and sewa folks asking them for their business model for entering into business partnerships with them to set up fabindia or sew retail outlet.
I just think I have courage and passion and am not ashamed of looking stupid. I don't think anyone sane would ever respond to my enquiry and think I can benefit their cause and industry in anyways. But I am already dreaming of shop setup most probably fabindia and then diversifying. The fear in my mind is no one coming to my shop at all. How do you hire people to manage shops I don't know from where to get those. I know in Sarjapur road area there is no fabindia and closest fabindia is either koramangala or Whitefield. (some kind of market research about identifying what I would want to open – concrete things) There are so many apartment complexes in this area and everyone thinks fabindia is one stop shop for mix and match and also for all American relatives that we have.(should be able to sell) What I don't know is how much money is required to set up something like this(capital investment) and what business model does fabindia have. Idea is once the shop gets setup than I would want to have section which is built on the modal that I rent out XxX space to small vendors which have variety of good to sell(generally handicrafts) and we do profit sharing if they make one. Another part of space that I would rent would have to be permanent exhibitions ties up from organizations like Sewa and many more whose supply I would choose and decide based on market trends like short kurti and anarkali style for now.
From where would I find the time to do something like this even just setup and then make it operational. I don’t have partner who is free whom I can trust. How do you manage security and insurance of rental space ?
Does being secure and lack of excitement makes person take leap of faith into something which is just passion or dream. I don’t know but I have no other reason than this. What happens if someone says yes to my emails – let us wait and watch and meanwhile firm up the plan.
I just think I have courage and passion and am not ashamed of looking stupid. I don't think anyone sane would ever respond to my enquiry and think I can benefit their cause and industry in anyways. But I am already dreaming of shop setup most probably fabindia and then diversifying. The fear in my mind is no one coming to my shop at all. How do you hire people to manage shops I don't know from where to get those. I know in Sarjapur road area there is no fabindia and closest fabindia is either koramangala or Whitefield. (some kind of market research about identifying what I would want to open – concrete things) There are so many apartment complexes in this area and everyone thinks fabindia is one stop shop for mix and match and also for all American relatives that we have.(should be able to sell) What I don't know is how much money is required to set up something like this(capital investment) and what business model does fabindia have. Idea is once the shop gets setup than I would want to have section which is built on the modal that I rent out XxX space to small vendors which have variety of good to sell(generally handicrafts) and we do profit sharing if they make one. Another part of space that I would rent would have to be permanent exhibitions ties up from organizations like Sewa and many more whose supply I would choose and decide based on market trends like short kurti and anarkali style for now.
From where would I find the time to do something like this even just setup and then make it operational. I don’t have partner who is free whom I can trust. How do you manage security and insurance of rental space ?
Does being secure and lack of excitement makes person take leap of faith into something which is just passion or dream. I don’t know but I have no other reason than this. What happens if someone says yes to my emails – let us wait and watch and meanwhile firm up the plan.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Indra's invitation
I started on this adventure in February on one bright sunny day for no apparent reason other than the fact my left hand was numb and I had gut feel pushing me to see doctor. I walked up to local health care and shared with him my numbing experience. I was suggested to consult neurophysician. I moved on to neurophysician. I have no clue why I went to Neurophysician - simply followed advise . But I did and as my destiny had this in mind he requested a MRI and I agreed.
I sometimes think when destiny intervenes it has very firm and gentle ways of leading you to discovering things about oneself which you will otherwise have no clues at all.
Being MRIed - MRI is very surreal experience. It is long tunnel where you are pushed in and you have almost 3inches space of between you and some kind of White tunnel.Magnetic beams are passed on the area where you are getting scan. There is huge noise which the technician tries to buffer by putting cotton in ears still it is noise. It is absolute claustrophobic feeling just being there.
For 15 mins only link to me with this world was someone holding my toes. (At my request technicain had agreed to one of nurse holding my toes) I was floating in vacuum with no bearings with world at all. When the technician pulled me out of the tunnel he asked me to come over to see reports . He said he had some findings. The radiologist said that my spinal chord has some patches and demyelination which means that there are some parts of spinal chord which are not working at all and will never work. It felt so unreal how can this happen to me and I said there was problem with his monitor. (How I reacted to life time of illness being introduced to me)So he showed me my own spinal chord on the LCD screen and it was very unbelievable but true.
Second MRI was requested for brain also. Went through same experience again and brain also has some patches and demyelination which means some part of it is not working; will never work at all.
It is such weird feeling to see some parts of your bodies most critical organs not working and you still working as human machine with only numbness in left hand.After 4 hours of MRI torture on a working weekday I was left with feeling of being on road which has an end but I don't know.
I had started my day same as any other dya with my lapyop,blackberry to get to work and I ended it with 4 MRI scan and damaged spinal chord and brain.
This started the whole process of making me believe that I have rare illness called multiple Sclerosis of brain and spinal chord which potentially will affect my lower limbs, fore limbs, kidney and eyes. It has no cure and no prevention. It is illness which itself is in the state of research on how to proceed with treatment once it has been diagnosed.
My mom once told me story as a kid that when Indra god got angry with once of his court dancers he gave her punishment of going to earth and living there. My mom always used to say that I am the dancer. Now I feel may be Indra is missing me and reminding me of my return passport.
I sometimes think when destiny intervenes it has very firm and gentle ways of leading you to discovering things about oneself which you will otherwise have no clues at all.
Being MRIed - MRI is very surreal experience. It is long tunnel where you are pushed in and you have almost 3inches space of between you and some kind of White tunnel.Magnetic beams are passed on the area where you are getting scan. There is huge noise which the technician tries to buffer by putting cotton in ears still it is noise. It is absolute claustrophobic feeling just being there.
For 15 mins only link to me with this world was someone holding my toes. (At my request technicain had agreed to one of nurse holding my toes) I was floating in vacuum with no bearings with world at all. When the technician pulled me out of the tunnel he asked me to come over to see reports . He said he had some findings. The radiologist said that my spinal chord has some patches and demyelination which means that there are some parts of spinal chord which are not working at all and will never work. It felt so unreal how can this happen to me and I said there was problem with his monitor. (How I reacted to life time of illness being introduced to me)So he showed me my own spinal chord on the LCD screen and it was very unbelievable but true.
Second MRI was requested for brain also. Went through same experience again and brain also has some patches and demyelination which means some part of it is not working; will never work at all.
It is such weird feeling to see some parts of your bodies most critical organs not working and you still working as human machine with only numbness in left hand.After 4 hours of MRI torture on a working weekday I was left with feeling of being on road which has an end but I don't know.
I had started my day same as any other dya with my lapyop,blackberry to get to work and I ended it with 4 MRI scan and damaged spinal chord and brain.
This started the whole process of making me believe that I have rare illness called multiple Sclerosis of brain and spinal chord which potentially will affect my lower limbs, fore limbs, kidney and eyes. It has no cure and no prevention. It is illness which itself is in the state of research on how to proceed with treatment once it has been diagnosed.
My mom once told me story as a kid that when Indra god got angry with once of his court dancers he gave her punishment of going to earth and living there. My mom always used to say that I am the dancer. Now I feel may be Indra is missing me and reminding me of my return passport.
Day today 4 March 2011 diary
Job change front – I am also aggressively scouting out leads for job change as I know Dell is not my career growth path. Dell has given me couple of recognitions in past few months which makes the stay for few more months in Dell bearable. We are expecting to get our appraisals done by March end. But until I get the new job I really have to keep trying. Since I am asking for general management roles which is changes of stream and also step ahead in realm which has very limited opportunities. Keeping fingers crossed. Every day I motivate myself to dream big as I want something special which I have not done before and for which I will be student. I am not fearful of being student but I want that opportunity to arrive. I dont enjoy what I do but I believe I will enjoy the new role as there is something to learn/grow/something to practise for the first time. Will destiny favor the brave and the dreamer.
Health – Diagnosis has been reconfirmed from more neuro sources. This is follow up action from my parents side not me. I am not even discussing health at all. It is just endless dark tunnel for me. I don't want to know that I have rare illness.(I dont like using the word disease - illness sounds more healing and everyday use word) Anyways my parents are coming back to Bangalore and they want to have follow up visit with NIMHANS neuro person to chart out course of medication. All neuros which my parents consulted as follow up believe some kind of medication should happen as they believe every attack which would happen will do some damage. I don’t like this approach especially since approach is to take steroids. Let us see what happens. We will know by 20 th March.
On alternate careers - bought the canvas to paint should be able to start ASAP. Painting teacher is busy this Saturday as I planned to start this Saturday. Tried to connect with couple of people on linkedin who have opened retail chains for various stuff – like baby clothes and whatever. I plan to blog every morning as a religion and today was first day of plan and I have launch in Dell. Can’t write at all. On teaching Avi(my son) – One good thing a week – yesterday started teaching avi responsibility of learning to manage his things. Only two things right now – getting ready in morning if he wants to go to school and finishing his home work in evening. It is tough thing to do – constantly demonstrating how much I am with him in getting him to be responsible at the same time making him believe why it is important to own one’s life. As a teacher I should be persistent which is tough – it is easy to do it for him rather than to get him to do it just with his own initiative.
Health – Diagnosis has been reconfirmed from more neuro sources. This is follow up action from my parents side not me. I am not even discussing health at all. It is just endless dark tunnel for me. I don't want to know that I have rare illness.(I dont like using the word disease - illness sounds more healing and everyday use word) Anyways my parents are coming back to Bangalore and they want to have follow up visit with NIMHANS neuro person to chart out course of medication. All neuros which my parents consulted as follow up believe some kind of medication should happen as they believe every attack which would happen will do some damage. I don’t like this approach especially since approach is to take steroids. Let us see what happens. We will know by 20 th March.
On alternate careers - bought the canvas to paint should be able to start ASAP. Painting teacher is busy this Saturday as I planned to start this Saturday. Tried to connect with couple of people on linkedin who have opened retail chains for various stuff – like baby clothes and whatever. I plan to blog every morning as a religion and today was first day of plan and I have launch in Dell. Can’t write at all. On teaching Avi(my son) – One good thing a week – yesterday started teaching avi responsibility of learning to manage his things. Only two things right now – getting ready in morning if he wants to go to school and finishing his home work in evening. It is tough thing to do – constantly demonstrating how much I am with him in getting him to be responsible at the same time making him believe why it is important to own one’s life. As a teacher I should be persistent which is tough – it is easy to do it for him rather than to get him to do it just with his own initiative.
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